How do I deal with my angry teenage son?

It is so easy to want others to change to help us feel better about our own lives. You want to change your boss so that your work environment gets easier to manage. You want your spouse to be calmer so that there is peace in your relationship. You want your children to finish their homework and wake up without being told so that you don’t have to shout every morning. Of course all these people are causing you to lose your temper otherwise you are innately a calm and peaceful person.

The above might be true, but if you thought for a while longer you will realize that you do know one or two people in your life who no matter what remain calm and composed. So how do they manage to be peaceful despite the storms around them? The secret is that these adults have either worked on themselves, their emotions to get rid of any past negative baggage or they have worked on their mindset and developed strategies to behave in a patient manner through coaching or counseling.

Recently I have been contacted by parents who have an “angry young teenage boy” at home and they have wanted me to coach their child to change his behaviour. During the process what has come to the fore is the role these parents’ behaviour plays in creating that “angry young teenage boy” and I have ended up coaching these parents on how to work on themselves so that the coaching work I do with their child has the right environment to be supported and nurtured further.

In this video, I share with you how you as parents need to look within yourself and see how you can model different behaviours for your child to be calmer and more patient.

1) What are you modeling for your child when you are not managing your own emotions? If you as a father or mother walk into the house and straight away react to the problems by losing your temper and shouting at others what is your child deducing about how to behave? As a parent if you are smoking in front of your children you might say that it is injurious to health but they are watching your actions more than listening to your words.

2) You have made it permissible for your child to behave in the wrong manner whether it is smoking or losing your cool. Your child by seeing you losing your cool – he thinks it is normal and natural for him to also lose his cool.

3) Take care of your own needs FATHERS – relax have a cup of tea before you go in to resolve the issues going on at home either between your wife and your child, with your child only or whatever needs to be sorted. It is important that you are calm and thinking clearly before you jump in to sort out what is happening at home.
A lot of times teens share with me how they feel isolated at home, everything and everyone seems to be against them and they feel like no one is listening to them nor understanding them. This is causing the teens to feel distant from their parents.
4) Manage your emotions before you speak to your child and model the right behaviour. Your child is watching you and your behaviour, so when you take the time to relax and reset your balance and then approach your child you show him that there is a better way to manage and express your emotions rather than be in a reactive mode.

5) Parents must seek a coach or professional if you think that you need to clear out your own internal conflicts for you to be better equipped to handle your children and home. Sort out whatever is going on for you whether it is at the work front or your internal baggage so that you are not in a reactive mode all the time and modeling the wrong behaviour for your child.

As a life coach I work with children, teens and parents.
I work with parents on many different areas like when they need help to:
1) resolve issues between husband and wife
2) clear their individual past negative baggage
3) learn techniques to be a calm and confident parent
4) clarify and develop themselves professionally