How do I cope with my husband’s mood swings?

Good Monday morning to all of you! This is Sunaina Vohra, Youth and Family Life Coach, from Athena Life Coaching. I have a question, from a lady, who has been married for eight years with two young children. But her problem for today is – “How do I cope with my husband’s mood swings?” So she has a good relationship with him, but she is just at a loss about how to handle his mood swings.

1) You can gently ask your husband what the issue is, what the problem is, when he is going through a bit of low. But, if he does not want to communicate with you, or if he says it has got nothing to do with you, then just back off. John Gray, the author of “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus” describes in his book, and I attended one of his seminars, where he says – “Unlike women, who like to talk, and talk, and talk about their problems. (And we women feel that once we share our problems with someone, it is half-resolved.) Men do not view their problems like that. For men, they need to withdraw into their caves and solve their problem inside of themselves. And when they see the light at the end of the tunnel, that is when the smile returns and they come out of their cave.” So, give your husband that space.

2) Please don’t take every mood swing, every negative mood he is in, personally. Because, he could be going through anything, from office issues, to maybe his mum called him and there is something in the family he doesn’t want you to know about, and he wants to resolve himself, or a run-in with a colleague, or another friend. So there could be umpteen problems, umpteen issues in his life that he is trying to resolve inside his cave, inside of himself. And he does not feel it necessary to get you involved in his gutter, so as to speak.

3) Do not get onto the roller coaster ride with him. So when he is on a high, in a fabulous mood, so are you. But when he is down and low, you begin to feel bad. And up – you both are up, and down – you both are down. So please do not get into that rollercoaster ride. Keep a distance between your husband’s moods and your moods, and do not get attached to them because you are going to be up and down and up and down with him and your children will not know what is happening. Keep in mind that you also have two young children to take care of.

4) Go and do something which you enjoy doing, something which makes you happy. Whether it is taking the children out for a movie, going to the park, playing with them. Or just for yourself, go to the spa, get a massage, and just see to it that you continue to be happy, in a state of bliss no matter what is happening in your environment. Especially when it comes to your husband’s moods, which might just be completely unrelated to you. So when you keep yourself happy, as a mother, as the centre of the household, your children will have you to come to, to talk to, and they will continue to feel secure and nurtured. So do remember to stay unattached in that.

5) When your husband is in a better mood, when he is calm, you can go to him and talk to him when you feel as if the black clouds have moved over and when you think he is more approachable. Instead of saying, “I think the problem is with you, and you don’t communicate, and you keep things…” You can talk about your feelings instead, and you could tell him – “I feel isolated when you get into this mood. So can we have an arrangement? Whereby, if you think there is something you need to handle, or some space you need, and you don’t want me bugging you or asking you, or coming to your space, just let me know. So I know it is a sign for me to do my own thing and that you are going to resolve whatever it is.

So the question for today, “How do I not get affected by my husband’s mood swings?” The five strategies are:

1) You can ask him gently. If he shares with you – great! If he doesn’t, allow him the space to go into his cave.
2) Don’t take it personally. Every bad mood swing of your husband’s is not related to you.
3) Do not climb the roller coaster ride of mood swings with your husband. Refrain from it.
4) Go out and do something with your children, with yourself, which makes you happy.
5) When your husband is in a calmer mood, sit him down and tell him how you feel. Maybe have a contract or an arrangement, where he let’s you know when he wants that space.

So I hope that answers your question, and if you feel you need a neutral party to help you manage your emotions, or any other relationship advice, or to help you nurture yourself and take care of yourself, do feel free to email me on sunainathena@gmail.com, or call me on, Dubai number, (+971) 56 1399033.

I have wonderful coaching programs for adults, whereby I help them to become more self-aware, and to help them with any doubts they have with the life they are living and to help them achieve their dreams.

So your action step for today is, think up of ways you can nurture yourself and make yourself happy. So that you have a little list to go by with, incase your husband gets into that mood swing which has nothing to do with you!