Do you seek the attention of your friends,and if they don’t respond,you feel rejected?

Good Monday morning to all of you! This is Sunaina Vohra, Youth and Family Life Coach, from Athena Life Coaching. Today’s question is from a male, an adult, who has written in asking me, “I am trying to contact my friends through Facebook, via email, through phone, but they seem to be ignoring me. And I am feeling extremely low.”

1) Well as an adult, what we have to realize is, the reasons we are seeking attention. Sometimes what happens is, as children, we have not got enough attention from our family, from our parents, from our siblings. And therefore we tend to look outside our family unit for attention as an adult.

2) Your own feelings about your own self worth. About your own self – how good do you feel about yourself?

3) The third thing is, which I think you are not, over-confidence and arrogance. When you think you need to be the centre of attention and that everyone needs to be paying you attention, and ignoring the rest of their lives.

So, firstly I would like to congratulate you. That you have not pointed fingers outside, but that you have realized that this is a shortcoming in yourself, and that you need to resolve it.

1) That is the first step to learning – is figure out what it is about yourself that you need to work on. Is it the lack of attention you got as a child? Is it your self worth? Are you being too over-confident or too arrogant, thinking that you need too much attention from other people.

2) Every time you get a negative thought about yourself that, “Oh I think they are not paying attention because they don’t like me, I’m not good enough, I don’t talk well enough.” Challenge that negative thought, and say to yourself; “I am as good as anyone else,” or “I’m so good at talking,” or “I’m so good at singing,” or “I look good.” Whatever it is, the negative thoughts that are creeping out – challenge them.

3) The third thing is a question, “Do you have unrealistic expectation of your friends?” Because given our lives these days, where we are inundated with emails, phone calls, just our work routines, our social lives, families, children, everyone’s agenda’s are so chock-a-block. Are you expecting too much out of your friends? Are you thinking that they might be truly busy and that they will get to you? So ask yourself this question, “Do I have unrealistic expectation of my friends?”

4) The best way to get attention, is to give attention. I’m sure you have had one person in your life, when you sat with that person, you were seen as a human being, and that you were heard. And when someone made you feel seen and heard, you felt, in your heart, that that person also understood you. So a very important thing, even for parents, parents make your child feel seen and heard. Because when a child feels that from his family, that child blossoms and grows up to be a confident adult. So for you, like I said – the best way to get attention is to give attention. Choose one person, with whom you can spend (and it does not have to be a lot of time, just five minutes, ten minutes), maybe when you open your door to your house and see the neighbor passing by, just for five minutes, make that neighbor feel seen and heard. And that neighbor will automatically feel that you understand them. And by giving attention, you will gain attention.

5) Do not hide behind Facebook, hide behind emails, pick up the phone and call just one person. YOU plan the outing, whether it is to a coffee shop, whether it is going to the mall, whether it is just having lunch together, or going to the movies. Plan an outing, firm it up, call up the person (call do not message them), and say “Let’s go to the cinema on Wednesday, or does Friday suit you more? There is a show at 3 o’clock or a show at 6 o’clock, what suits you more? So give them two options where they can choose from and then go out and connect with people face-to-face.

And these strategies will definitely help you, not only to make new relationships, but to also gain the trust and love of your friends. So, the action point I want you to take, right now at the end of the video blog, is to pick up that phone and call one friend. And let me know how your outing goes and how you are feeling after that. So the five strategies for today are:

1) Figure out what it is that you need to fill up inside of yourself. Is it your self worth? Maybe neglect in your childhood? Or maybe it is just wanting to be the centre of attention of everyone?
2) As soon as you get a negative thought, flip it. And give yourself some positive thought because your positivity will attract positive things and people into your life.
3) Analyse, do you have unrealistic expectation of your friends? They might be genuinely busy.
4) When you make someone else feel seen and heard, they look at you as an understanding friend and they are naturally attracted to you.
5) Pick up that phone and call a friend. Do not hide behind Facebook.

Keep sending in those emails at sunainaathena@gmail.com, I would love to answer all your questions. You could even call me on, Dubai number, (+971) 56 1399033. Take care then! Bye!